I had a Dream

Listen. I know that nobody cares about what happens in anyone's dreams other than their own. Dreams are personal, esoteric, and nonsense. But I had one the other night that was so spectacularly strange that I had to share it. I hadn't been drinking, and I don't do drugs. All of this came right from whatever part of my brain makes up these things, and I have no excuse for it.

What you are about to read is 100% true, or as true as a dream can be because, you know, it's a fucking dream and they are about as logical as cartoon physics.

So read on at your own peril (it's pretty good, though, so I would read on if I were you).

Here it goes:

I was at work, in my little world, when some news came down. Apparently, a pack of bears was creating a swath of destruction coming from the north, heading into Southeastern Connecticut. The bears path was predicted to hit a coworkers house directly. We looked online, at the bear menace tracking page, to see the route these bears were taking, and sure enough, his family were right in the way. The pattern looked like a hurricane prediction graphic on the Weather Channel, but these were bears, so it was naturally thinner. He then got a phone call.

I couldn't hear the other end, but he was trying to reassure his wife that she and their three children would be okay, and he would do everything in his power to keep them safe, even though he couldn't actually leave work to go save them. He's clearly got his priorities correct.

"What can I do?"
"I don't know, man, try Amazon, they have everything. They must have bear repellent," I said.
"Good idea," he said to me.

He then goes to Amazon.com and places an order.

"I'm getting a sex doll and a Terminator."
"Why?"

Apparently, the common cure for bear attacks is to get a sex doll and a Terminator and mate them. The resulting Sex Terminator will then be deployed to seduce the bears away from the house in jeopardy and leave the tenants in safety. So he went on Amazon.com and got his sex doll and Terminator.

Seconds later, a drone arrived with two large boxes. One contained a sex doll, and the other, of course, a Terminator. He then put them in a closet to do their business.






Then I woke up. I know, I know. Shitty place to wake up, but isn't that the way dreams go. I went to bed that night at 10:30ish. I woke up from this masterpiece of mental agility at 12:42. I know this because I looked at my clock hoping it was my alarm, set for 5:40, that broke me free of the crazy. Alas, it was not, but I did spend the next 3 hours trying to figure out what in the good fuck just happened in my head.

I didn't get a lot of sleep that night, but the sleep I did get has been with me for days.

SD