Torn. Like a Natalie Imbruglia song. Well, not really, but still. I was diagnosed with a torn meniscus today in my grand return to the orthopedist. I never get good news there, but this is about as good as it could have gotten. Other than the doctor saying "Oh, this is nothing, you're just a pussy and should shut the Hell up," I think that I got some good news today.
They decided not to take any X-Rays or send me for an MRI because the root issue, the massive swelling, had begun to dissipate and I was gaining more and more movement and strength in the leg. So they prodded and poked and stretched and bent and rubbed and otherwise manipulated my right leg to determine if something was seriously wrong in there. Turns out, yes and no.
The yes is because I have a torn bit of protective barrier in my knee. The menisci are found in joints and is meant to act as a weight dispersion vehicle and anti-friction buffer in knees, elbows, shoulders, hips, and elsewhere in the skeletal system. The one in my right knee is torn, and that caused the sonofabitch to swell up and give me great discomfort.
The no is because I don't have to get surgery to make the pain and swelling go away. Ice, rest, and elevation are the immediate therapeutic techniques I will use, on doctor's orders, to get this thing back to health. Also, physical therapy including strengthening that region and shedding some poundage off my fat ass will be part of the game plan in the near future. I have to delay some of the physical stuff until I can walk properly, and when that day comes, I'll get back into a workout regimen.
In the meantime, I can still exercise, but nothing involving my knees. Cardio will be easy, all I have to do is move around on the crutches because that shit will ruin you. SO good for you guns. Need to put on a gun show? Crutch around for a few days before hand, you will be totally vascular, bro.
The fun part of this whole mess came in the official diagnosis. The torn meniscus is a 99% sure thing, but without proper testing, they legally can't be totally affirmative about that as the final result. So on the diagnostic paperwork, I am listed as having an Internal Derangement.
Internal Derangement.
This is awesome. Now I essentially have a doctor's note for crazy! "Sorry officer, I only peed on your car because I have an internal derangement." "Why did I punch that dog? Internal derangement, mister." "I broke that guitar on a bank because I am deranged. Internally!"
I'm going to have some fun with this. Eh, who am I kidding, I'm a gigantic pansy and will just make jokes.
Oh, well. At least I don't need surgery.
SD
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