Don't do it. It will never end well for you. We were assigned a route that we had done before. Like, three days ago. So people were sick of us. Really, really sick of us. I don't blame them. The market saturation for this campaign is absurd. Mailers, phone calls, ads on TV ad radio, me and my cohorts walking door to door, volunteers poaching our work. It all adds up to people being sick and tired of the shit that we are doing and they are starting to react. Very negatively. I've said it before and I think it rings with total honest: I feel legitimate empathy for these people and I think we need to relocate to some other town for the last week of the campaign, if for no other reason than to leave these folks alone.
In order to get higher numbers, and look good to the bosses, we tend to drive a little faster than the speed limit allows us to. It's usually no big deal, no one is ever on these roads and there isn't a cop to be found. So the doofus and I worked a dead end road, and turned around. He was driving (I'm not driving that big ass truck, I have a Civic, like a normal human), and he floored it. The road wasn't that long, so we never got that fast. Well, that didn't matter all that much.
We turned the corner, and realized that someone was following us. It was a station wagon, so we figured it was some volunteer being an asswipe and trying to do our job better than we were. But they were creeping. Hard. We pulled over, thinking the person was going to just drive by and leave us in their dust.
That didn't happen.
The car behind us stopped and a woman burst out. She stormed up to us cussing a blue streak. Pissed. SUPER PISSED. "Who the fuck do you work for?! Who fucking sent you here?" We were stumped. What were we supposed to do? Answer? Honestly? Sort of, was the immediate consensus. We told this disgruntled lady what we were doing and who we were working for. But I'll be fucked if we gave an actual phone number. "You are fucking assholes and you need to slow down. Going 80mph through a neighborhood."
I'm going to stop right here. This isn't a neighborhood. It's a bullshit dirt road in the middle of Fucking Nowhere Alaska with literally 4 homes on it. It's a mile long, easy, and there are 4 homes. If you don't rip shit down down this street, you are doing everything wrong.
"Why the fuck are you going this fast?"
We answered: "We have a quota to fill. We need to go down this road." (She had followed us down a second road at this point, I forgot to mention this before).
"Fuck your quotas. If you come back down my road again, I'll fucking shoot you."
Wait, what? This woman (demon) just threatened to SHOOT me over some fast driving? Really?
She went on: "I'll know this truck now and I'll fucking shoot you if you come back here!" She was pissed.
Up to this point in my life, I had figured that I had seen a lot of shit. I AIN'T SEEN SHIIIIIIIT. I know this now. I know that everything that I have known and loved will be taken away from me in a split second by some road rage slag with a gun in Alaska.
Eventually, after a few more threats of gun violence, there were a lot of them, she stormed back to her station wagon and blew off at a very high velocity. She was speeding! She's a hypocrite. She's a disastrous cunt who needs to mind her fucking business.
It was not a good day. Being threatened with a gunshot to ones own person never makes for a good day.
Fuck it. I'm home in a week.
SD
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