The Worst.

The worst is the waiting. The worst is the not knowing if anyone has even looked into your shit. The worst is applying for jobs, sending out inquiries, doing your part, the heavy lifting of the employment hunt and garnering literally zero response from anyone.

Granted, it's only been a few days, so I can't really expect anything to happen that quickly, but still. Sooner or later I am going to be able to write something positive here. Not just complaining about how nothing is happening and postulation about what I can do to pass the myriad hours I have at my disposal. That gets repetitive and lame.

I will say, with all self loathing, this might have been the longest week of my life. I feel like it should not be Thursday, but rather next Monday by now. Not having a job really sucks the fun out of life. There is a distinct lack of purpose in daily life for me now. There isn't all that much to do other than will power myself away from the liquor cabinet. I think this will pass as I get used to it.

Figuring out other activities, preferably free ones, to pass afternoons after a morning full of job hunting, is key. I need to find some free shit to do outside of my apartment. Inside things are nice and all, but I get sick of these walls sometimes. They remind me of where I am in my life. Yes, it's a sweet apartment, but being here all day means that I am not working all day. Everything reminds me of the negative. I need to focus on positive things, but when they don't exist, that gets really hard.

I knew all of this was coming. I had plenty of advance notice of the upcoming unemployment, but still, I didn't think I would take it this hard. I thought, okay, this won't be that bad. I'll just find a job, no big deal. WRONG. Like, really really wrong. Maybe next week will be better.

Hopefully next week will be better.

SD