Another day in the hinterlands. Driving around cleared out strips of land that pass for roads is not exactly my idea of a good time, but this is work, and work isn't supposed to be fun, or at least that's what the elders taught us. We eat breakfast as a group every day at this crappy diner next to the King Salmon Motel where we are staying. King Salmon, yeah buddy. So we sit around and shoot the shit, I drink coffee and eat something normal, and the nitwits I work with get some garbage that the cover in syrup and butter.
Yesterday, I figured, correctly, that I would want something hearty to fuel me as I walk around neighborhoods knocking on doors all day. I was right, but the biscuits and gravy I got was pretty salty and terrible, and the gravy was more akin to paste than actual gravy. It wasn't the worst thing I have every eaten, but it was close. Today I decided it would be better to get some eggs. Someone else did as well, and they got scrambled eggs with white toast and hash browns. The hash browns come with everything, so they were placed along side my over easy eggs and rye toast.
Let me say this about rye toast: It is supposed to be thin, tan, and have caraway seeds in it to make each slice, you know, GOOD! Alaska needs to understand the difference between rye bread and marble bread. Marble bread is half rye, half pumpernickel, swirled together for something that is incredible for a pastrami sandwich. It's okay as breakfast toast, too, but not what I wanted. Idiots. Also, this bready abomination was super thick, like Texas toast. What the fuck is this? I want rye toast, not this marble brick that has been saturated with butter and my own silent shame.
I think this breakfast blew my cover though. I think they can smell the Yankee Liberal on me now. I got a very, we'll say New York City, breakfast, and I got some odd looks. I wanted to say something like "what's the matter bitches? You afraid of some yolks?" But I didn't, I just sat there, drank bad coffee, and ate bad food. Whatever, I needed the caffeine and sustenance. Move along.
The driving is becoming a bit much as well. It's not the sheer volume of driving, but rather the either not having any idea where we are supposed to go due to the lack of signage, but the fact that the roads are straight up foolish. They aren't paved, they are windy, uneven and mostly wet. If it snows, no, WHEN it snows, these roads are going to SUUUUUUUUUCK. And suck a lot. Driveways are no better. They are mostly just gravel, and even though there are almost exclusively trucks and 4x4s up here, so I guess it wouldn't be that big of a deal. Still though, how do you shovel this crap? How do these people deal with the weather on these prehistoric driving apparatus.
We listen to the radio in the car. Switching between one of three country stations, which is what the doofus I am paired with likes, or the rock station, which I would like if it didn't suck worse than the rye bread. Nobody must like good music up here. Or I am just a jaded hipster that hates most everything that would ever be on any radio station. It's probably that. I'm just a dick.
Going around from house to house in the middle of the day is interesting. Hardly anyone is ever there, and the ones that are usually don't care all that much. Today some redneck started going off on Obama and dropped a few N-Bombs, so that was fun. Lots of people said "God Bless," and I just said "Yeah," and walked away.
On the bright side, while looking for someone's home, I was able to see a moose! A FUCKING MOOSE! Hell yeah, moose, way to graze. And way to be gigantic. It was a lady moose, and that lady moose is one big ole bitch. She blended in with the tall grass she was eating, so the photos I took with my shitty phone camera are going to be shitty and not do this noble beast justice. It's not like you can get real close to one and snap a selfie. Those things are aggressive and enormous and they will stomp you the fuck out. Moose give 0 fucks. I like moose.
I saw a moose today, what did you see?
SD
No comments:
Post a Comment