I'm almost done with school. Finally. The four year plan that every high school graduate with collegiate desires dreams about turned into a 13 year exodus through a desert of poor decisions and misguided hope. Tuesday I wrote the final term paper of my elongated college career. I know that all I have to do is play out the stretch of the semester, working "my best" to participate in a class that is such a joke that it doesn't have a textbook. I still had to write a paper, though. Weak.
Now that my life in the academic sphere is over, I have to find a way to utilize the skills that a B.A. claims that I maintain. I don't know what these skills are, however. I think I learned some information about American History. Maybe something about the Earth. Maybe something about the Constitution. Maybe something about myself? I wonder where the degree will allow me access to. These things are, apparently, important. Door openers. Unfortunately for me, I have no tangible skills to offer people. I have been told that I can write a little, and I know how to analyze literature pretty well. But I hate kids so teaching is out the window. I guess I could continue my education and get a post grad degree or two. What's the point, though? Just to prove that I have nothing worth while to do with an undergrad degree? Hooray for even more crippling student loan debt.
The one thing that I am proud of is my success in school. I did pretty well. I'm not sure what exactly my GPA is right now, but it is over 3.5. Seeing as though I had a 1.8 after my first year, that's a pretty nice improvement. My first year, at Duquesne University in Pittsburgh, was a washout. I didn't focus on anything. I had a sweet gig at an NPR affiliate. Ruined that. Started to build a social network. Killed that off. Live and Learn, I guess. Satchel Paige once said "Don't look behind you. Something might be catching up." Words to live by. I do not regret the time I spent there. I learned a lot. Nothing academic, but a lot about what I should and shouldn't do.
After that, I spent a few years dicking about in the area. I lived like a rock star, or a hobo. There is a fine line between the two. I liked that life. But it was killing me on the inside. I wasn't going anywhere and I hung out with a lot of people that were in the same boat. Not all of them, but enough that I felt like I was wasting myself. So I changed myself around. I enrolled in school, Charter Oak State College, and started to prove myself to myself. I did well, built some momentum, and have continued to work hard to finish this damn degree up. 13 years later. I'll be done in May, but I'm not going to the grad ceremony. I don't want to. I don't care. I think that this is something that should have happened 9 years ago, at the end of my original attempt at college. Why should I celebrate something that I put off for so long? I fucked up for the better part of a decade, so I shouldn't be glorified. And besides, I simply don't care about a ceremony. I got the job done and that is the important part. Not going to the ceremony isn't going to impact the amount of work or the accomplishment after the completion of said work.
Now that school is almost done, the next goal is the re-awesomizing of my knee. That'll happen. It's just a matter of time.
SD
Brilliant: "I spent a few years dicking about in the area. I lived like a rock star, or a hobo. There is a fine line between the two. I liked that life."
ReplyDeleteAlthough, education at any level is not something you ever finish or 'should' finish at any set time. The damn journey is the entire education - the BA part is just a piece of the pie. I hear the degree is pretty too.